


Lion

by chrkrose



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Happy Ending, Romance, j/c heavily implied, not j/c friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2020-11-27 16:14:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 46
Words: 18,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20951264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrkrose/pseuds/chrkrose
Summary: Love is the death of duty.





	1. The Decision

**Author's Note:**

> This will be updated twice a day since I have pretty much half of it finished already and the chapters, as you will see, are very short. Not all of them will be, but most of them will. 
> 
> The chapter's count will also be updated, so pay attention to that and to the warning tags.

When her father tells her she is to be married with the heir of Casterly Rock, Ser Jaime Lannister, the _ Kingslayer, _she only nods and tells him she will carry out with her duty.

Later, in her room, she cries. At eight and ten, she thought her dreams of finding a man who would accept her for who she is and love her despite everything else were long gone, but she finds out they are still there, buried within her heart, so very deep that she couldn’t reach them. They pour out of her now, with the tears running down her face and wetting her pillow.


	2. The Betrothed

The wedding will take place in King's Landing. 

The night before the ceremony, she finds herself with a sword in her hand and her betrothed opposing her in the practice yard. He had found her there earlier, asked her to spar with him. 

She didn’t feel like she could refuse, even if she wanted nothing more than to be left alone. 

It was the first time he had spoke to her after they were introduced to each other a sennight before. 

_ “Come on, come on, my sweetling, the music’s still playing. Might I have this dance my lady?” _He says, arrogant smile, a spark in his eyes and Brienne isn’t sure if he is mocking her or just amused by the whole situation, but she scowls anyway, just in case. 

They spar for a while, until they are both sweaty and breathing heavy, and she almost wins, but in the end Ser Jaime has her yielding while he straddles her waist. 

_ “Not bad at all”. _ He says under his breath, sword pressed against her neck “ _ For a wench” _.

He stands up, and doesn’t offer his hand to help her off the ground. She would have not accepted it if he did.


	3. The Wedding.

The ceremony is everything she thought it would be, once, when she dreamed of it. The gold, the people, a shining beautiful knight waiting for her in front of a sept. 

  
When he kisses her and pledges his love for her and they say the words -  _ I am his; I am hers; -  _ she feels empty.


	4. The Feast

She sees the way his sister looks at him. The Queen. She’s beautiful in a way that hurts. Beautiful in a way Brienne always wanted to be and knew, all too soon, she could not. Would not.

She sees the way Ser Jaime looks at her and she knows. She knows where his heart is. 

They disappear for a few moments during the feast. When they are back, Ser Jaime’s lips are red like Cersei’s.


	5. The Bedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To contextualize: 
> 
> In this world, Jaime was dismissed from the Kingsguard after Robert became King. Because of that, some of his character development happened in a different way. I’m still trying to keep him in character as much as I can, but you will see some of those differences in the way he behaves. Most positive differences, once he hasn’t spent 15 years of his life under Cersei’s influence (although she still has a presence in this fic).

When she’s left in their chambers, naked and shivering, Ser Jaime is already there. Waiting for her. One look at her -  _ one look at her body -  _ and:

_ “We don’t have to”  _

She lifts her gaze from the ground, while he shifts under the covers. 

_ “The sheets”  _ she mutters.  _ Heirs _ , Tywin had said. He will check. He will look for blood on the sheets.

Ser Jaime smiles, not the sharp kind. But not the sweet kind either. 

_ “There are ways around that.”  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


In the morning, there’s a small stain of blood on the sheets. But they are not Brienne’s blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, the blood is Jaime’s.


	6. The Rock

Casterly Rock is her home now. She tries to be a Lady the best she can, nods when expected, stays put when necessary, listens when it’s demanded of her. Rarely speaks. Tywin is still the Lord of The Rock, but more and more he drops on Ser Jaime the responsibility that will be fully his one day. 

Otherwise Ser Jaime spends most of his time with his brother. Brienne spends most of her time exploring The Rock’s caves and entries. 

Once she jumps from a small cliff into the sunset sea. The water is cold, dark instead of sapphire blue. She wonders what would happen if she never came back. If she kept falling deep into the ocean until nobody could find her. 

She remembers Galladon.

She comes back to the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should have been up yesterday but I didn't have time to update it so we'll get three chapters today ha! Thanks for reading <3


	7. The Chambers

They both have their own chambers, although there’s a door connecting both rooms from the inside. 

She leaves it unlocked because it’s her duty to do so, as her Septa taught her about. But he never comes knocking, doesn’t seek her out. 

She’s only relieved. 


	8. The Swords

Ser Jaime finds her training again one day. They spar. 

It feels good at first. Swords clashing against each other, the sounds. It feels like they are having their own silent conversation. 

But then he starts talking. Taunting. Trying to get under her skin so she loses concentration. Calling her _ stubborn _ and _ wench _ and making her angry. 

It works. He has her yielding again.

_ “Where did you learn to fight like this my lady?” _

His tone is genuinely curious, impressed even, all the sarcasm of before gone. Brienne falters, stops scowling at him. 

_ “My father allowed me to train with our master at arms“. _

He nods. 

_ “Perhaps you would like to train with our master as well”. _

This time Brienne nods, eagerly. Forgetting herself and her annoyance at him. 

Ser Jaime smiles. 

_ “I’ll see to that wench”. _


	9. The Confusion

She’s confused. At first they were just courteous, ignoring each other’s presence as much as they could. But after the day he finds her training, after he offered to have her training with their master at arms, he changes. For all the rumors and his reputation, he has not been anything but kind to her. She sees it now, his name calling and sarcasm when they spar nothing but him having a good fun  _ with _ her.  _ Wench  _ sounding fondly when spoke the way he does. There’s no arrogant smiles or japes at her expense. 

Those are directed at others, sharp tongue and wittiness and sometimes downright rudeness.

But never at her. 


	10. The Rumors

The king is dead. And so is Ned Stark. Tywin is now Hand of The King. Jaime is officially Lord of Casterly Rock.

There’s a rumor, spreading like wildfire through Westeros. The new King, Jeoffrey, is a bastard. 

Jaime’s bastard. 

She remembers the feast on their wedding day. Remembers Cersei’s gaze, her smile when she came back and how the red of her lips were also on Jaime’s lips.

Deep down, Brienne knows. 

She doesn’t love Jaime. Jaime doesn’t love her. It shouldn’t matter. 

But that night, she cries. 


	11. The War - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know absolutely nothing about politics or strategy so just pretend I know what I’m doing lol.

The north turns against the crown. The Baratheons  _ want  _ the crown. They can’t decide on who should be the new king.

Brienne thinks of Renly. Renly, who danced with her, who treated her with kindness. She would have gone to serve him if she was still on Tarth, she knows. She would have died for him. 

But she’s a Lannister now. And Tarth pledged allegiance to King Jeoffrey. 

Renly is her enemy. 


	12. The War - Part II

Jaime leaves to join the war. He’ll command the Lannister’s army.

More often than not, Tyrion seeks Brienne’s company. She doesn’t have much to offer in terms of conversation but he doesn’t seem to mind. 

She teaches his squire, Podrick, to fight with a sword. He stumbles at his words, calls her  _ Ser  _ on the same breath he calls her  _ my lady _ . Brienne doesn’t mind either.


	13. The Letters - Part I

She doesn’t write to Jaime. She doesn’t have anything to say to him. 

He doesn’t write to her either.

She knows he writes to Tyrion. He gives her updates whenever he receives any information about the war. She asks him if there’s news on Tarth, but he says he hasn’t heard anything.   


Neither has she. Her letters to her father have gone unanswered. 


	14. The Letters - Part II

Then, one day, Tyrion handles Brienne a parchment.

_ “It is for you my Lady” _ he says, and sits down to read his own three pages long letter.

  
  


_ My dear Lady Wife _

_ I hope this finds you in good health. I thought you might like to know news from your island. Tarth has been occupied by Baratheon forces. The Evenstar, your Lord father, has been arrested, but has not been harmed. _

_ Ser Jaime Lannister _

_ Lord of Casterly Rock _


	15. The War - Part III

Brienne can't sleep most nights. When she does, visions of Tarth burning is the only thing she sees.

The war is costing everyone. And the Lannister’s army haven’t won a battle yet. 


	16. The Lady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I confess I don’t know if Brienne would be the person to do things for Jaime while he is away but if D&D can make shit up so can I lol.

With the Lord of Casterly Rock away fighting the war, Brienne has to perform the duties that otherwise she wouldn’t interfere with.

She visits the city as often as she can. She listens to the smallfolk and weights on their disputes.   


She tries her best. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three updates today to compensate for the lack of updates yesterday! Thanks for reading <3


	17. The War - Part IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know absolutely nothing about war strategies so just pretend that I know what I’m doing <3

Another raven from Jaime brings the bad news. Baratheon forces are coming to Lannisport. To The Rock.

_ “It’s impossible to take over Casterly Rock. We can live under siege for years to come”  _ Tyrion says. 

_ “What about the city?”  _ Brienne asks.

Silence. And then:

_ “We have enough. We won’t need the city to provide for us”.  _


	18. The War - Part V

The enemy is getting close. Ser Addam is reunited with the other officers and Tyrion, discussing strategies to best maintain The Rock’s protection under the siege that it’s certain to happen. Brienne knows that she’s only there duo her position as Lady of Casterly Rock and because of Jaime’s absence. She knows it’s not her place to speak. 

She knows.  _ She knows. _

Still. 

_ “I w-was not born a Lion.”  _ Her voice interrupts Ser Addam. It’s low and shaken and she clears her throat and starts again.  _ “I was not born a Lion. I am from Tarth. I’m a Lannister by marriage only. But these people… they are our people. M- my people. They will be slaughtered and killed with no chance of defense. It’s not right”  _

The room is quiet. Every face stare at her as if only now they realized she has been there all along. 

It’s Ser Addam that speaks first. 

_ “What do you suggest, my Lady?”  _

She remembers the songs about knights she used to sing when she was a child. She remembers another dream, the one where she knelt in front of a honorable knight, with a sword touching her shoulder.

_ Defend the innocent. Defend the weak. Be brave. _

_ “We fight. We protect what’s ours. Or we die trying”. _


	19. The War - Part VI

_ “You should stay here. It is not safe for you out there. What if you die? What will I tell my brother when he returns?” _

Brienne grips the pommel of her sword. The armor is heavy, and it hurts her ribs. 

_ “He won’t mind.” _ She mutters.


	20. The Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 19 and 20 were posted together so be sure you read chapter 19 before this one :)

She’s in the front lines when she sees the enemy approaching.

There are too many. 

Her world narrows to the sound of her breathing beneath the heavy armor. She looks up at the sun and the sky's so blue it reminds her of Tarth.   


_ Galladon. Father. _

_ Jaime. _

This is it then. 

When the enemy charges, she grips her sword and prepares for death. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s a bloodbath. And the noise. It rings in her ears.

The clash of steel against steel, the shouts from men dying, men killing.

She almost died once. Ser Addam saves her. 

He almost died twice. She’s there to stop the sword coming for him both times.

She kills a man not much younger than she is. 

She’s pretty sure one of her ribs is heavily bruised, perhaps even broken, but right here, with blood splattered everywhere and the weight of her sword clashing against the enemy, she doesn’t feel a thing.

And for a moment, she’s not ugly, she’s not unlovable. She’s a fighter. She’s protecting her people, even if they weren’t always her people. She’s a knight.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They win. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The news of their victory spread through the Westerlands and beyond. 

_ “My brother wrote me that the morals are high”. _

Despite the pain in her ribs and the silence from her father, Brienne smiles.


	21. The Letters - Part III

Jaime writes to her again. Like before, she’s surprised when Tyrion drops the parchment on her lap. 

  
  


_ My dear Lady Wife, _

_ Tarth has been freed from the enemy. The Evenstar has been found in good health and unharmed. You’ll probably hear from him soon enough. _

_ I hope my absence hasn’t been too heavy on you. I hope I’ll be able to return soon so I can release you from these boring obligations. But I heard you have been dealing with the responsibilities that come with being the Lady of Casterly Rock like no other.  _

_ Ser Jaime Lannister _

_ Lord of Casterly Rock  _

_ Ps: I hope your bruises have healed and you’re no longer in pain. _

  
  
  


Her cheeks redden when she reads the last lines.

(She doesn’t tell anybody that she reads them more than once).    
  



	22. The Deaths

Her head spins with everything Tyrion tells her. 

_ Renly is dead. Robb Stark is dead. Jeoffrey is dead. Sansa Stark is missing. Stannis retreated to the North. Tommen is king. Father is Hand. My sister is coming back to the Rock. Jaime is coming home.  _

Jaime is coming home. And so is Cersei. 


	23. The Lion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually the first scene I wrote for this fic, and everything that happened before this was actually leading to this specific point. Everything was written so I could get to the particular scene at the end of this. So I hope you like it <33

She’s at the port with Tyrion, Ser Addam and a few others to wait for the ship. They’ll ride back through Lannisport so they can greet the people on their way back to The Rock. 

She sees Jaime getting off the ship, his hair longer than she remembers, his beard hiding the perfect shape of his jaw. Red and gold armor shining under the sun. 

When Cersei gets off the ship behind him, Brienne can’t no longer look. 

She barely nods when Jaime greets her, and Cersei doesn’t bother pretending she notices her presence. 

They ride side by side, Cersei, Jaime and Brienne and she feels like she wants to be anywhere else but here, disappearing in plain sight under the brightness of the golden twins, perfect mirrors of each other. 

And then, when they turn the main street, people gathered on each side of their party to greet the Lord of Casterly Rock and his twin, it’s when she sees it. 

Draped over the balcony of one of the highest buildings, a mantle with a coat of arms quartered with yellow suns on a red colored field, and white crescents on a deep blue field. In the middle, a lion.   


Golden.

Roaring.

_ “They call you “The Lion of Tarth” _ser Addam says from behind her.

Some of them are staring with a smile on their face. Others bowl their head when she rides past them. 

In that moment, she forgets everything she has been thinking, forgets about Jaime and Cersei and how alone she feels in this place. Ser Addam’s words throbbing in her mind at the same rhythm as her heart beating inside her chest.

_The Lion of Tarth. The Lion of Tarth. _  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on I’m going to focus way more on Jaime and Brienne relationship. I also want to remind you this fic is from Brienne’s POV, so while she’s a straight honest sweetheart, her vision is colored by her internal issues and lack of self esteem. Not that she doesn’t have a reason to be the way she is, especially in this version where she wasn’t even able to prove herself as a knight before the battle of Lannisport. But all I’m saying is that maybe she’s not entirely aware of how others (in particular a very handsome lord/knight) actually see her ;) 
> 
> As promised, this fic is j/b and next chapter we’ll actually get to explore more of them ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	24. The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, some j/b ;)  
Maybe now some people will start warming up to him ha
> 
> I just want to say I’m really happy with the response this fic is getting and I really appreciate all the comments and cuddles and bookmarks. <333

There will be a feast to celebrate Jaime’s arrival. Before she can run for her chambers to rest until then - to process what she saw while riding through the city - Jaime touches her wrist lightly. Just the tip of his fingers.

_ “Could you meet me in my study later? Let’s say, an hour from now?” _

She stays silent for what seems like forever, utterly surprised as if his words did not make sense. She nods when she gets a hold of herself, all of her thoughts of resting forgotten.

  


Brienne knocks on the door of his study. Jaime’s voice replies with “come inside” while Cersei yells “not now”. She falters, taking deep breaths before pushing the door open.

_ “My Lady” _ Jaime says, standing up from behind his desk when Brienne steps inside the room. He is cleaned shaved, his hair shorter than she ever saw it before, and it comes as a shock, to see him like this.

He looks years younger.

_ “We’ll continue this discussion later, sister. I have need of speaking to my Lady wife after spending so much time apart”. _

Cersei doesn’t say anything, just stands up from the chair she had been sitting on and turns around towards the door. When she looks at Brienne, she can barely conceal her rage and disgust at her presence. 

Her silence is worse than if she had screamed and punched her way out of the room. 

Once they are alone, Brienne sits down where Cersei once was. Jaime does the same behind his desk. She does not know what to say. Neither does Jaime, it seems.

The silence stretches between them.

_ “I… I thought we could discuss about what has happened since this war started”. _

Of course. He needed to know the state of all things, considering he spent more than a year away. It was good that she had kept track of the matters raised by the smallfolk, the demands of other minor lords that answered to The Rock, the ravens that were received treating of confidencial and delicate matters regarding politics she did not fully understand but that Tyrion helped her navigate through.

_ “Yes my lord. If you wish to discuss it now, I have need of going back to my chambers to retrieve the records of everything that has been happening here while you were away. Although I think Lord Tyrion should be present so he can better explain a few things I’m afraid I cannot-“ _

_ “Wench” _ he speaks softly, his tone bringing her back to afternoons spent clashing her sword against his, his eyes shining with amusement at their particular kind of dance. _ “I appreciate everything you have done but that’s not… that’s not what I wish to speak of”. _

_ “What do you wish to speak of then?” _

_ “The rumors that have been spread about my sister’s children. After all, that‘s what _ caused _ the war, or at least one of the reasons for it”. _ She doesn’t say anything to that. She knows what comes next. The denials and the pretense. _ “They are no lies. The rumors… it’s the truth. I’m their… I sired those children.” _

Oh. That surprises her. The honest, brutal truth of his words. 

_ “Why are you telling me of this Ser?” _

_ “Because Cersei is here”. _

Ah. 

Brienne finds herself once more without words to offer him. Part of her feels compassion for him. A bigger part of her just wants to flee this room, this place, come back to Tarth, to her old life. 

But then, what good would that bring for her and her father? If not Jaime, there would be another. Someone worse. Like her septa promised it would happen to her. 

And then there’s duty. Her duty. Her vows. And the people… 

  


_ “I… I don’t know what to tell you Ser. I understand it must be hard, for you. It hasn’t been easy for me either. But… I still don’t understand why you’re telling me about this. This is between you and your sister”. _

_ “You are my wife. Shouldn’t we be honest with each other?”. _

_ “The war is over. King Tommen remains on the throne. I… I understand your need for honesty, but I'm no fool. There’s no need for you to explain it to me. My septa taught me about marriage, I know few Lords remain faithful to their Lady Wives. It matters not to me who you take as your… as your mistress. There’s no need to speak of this no longer Ser”. _

It’s the best she can do for both of them, to spare them from this awkward conversation. She won’t interfere with whatever he has with his sister. 

Jaime seems to be genuinely confused by her words. 

And then angry. 

_ “Is that what you think isn’t it? Of course it is. The kingslayer, oathbreaker! Of course I’ll break my vows once more for my sister’s cunt”. _ Brienne cringes at the crass words thrown at her. She can feel her cheeks reddening, the blush spreading down her neck. _ “We might have not meant everything we said to each other on our wedding day, but I intend to keep my vows this time. They mean something to me, even if they don’t mean a thing to you”. _

She forgets all about her embarrassment and looks at him sharply. Brienne, too, is angry at his accusation. 

_ “I take my vows and oaths and duty very seriously Ser. You will not accuse me of such thing. You say you need to speak to me and tells me to my face that you had children with your sister and that she’s here now, living with us. If that’s not your way of telling me you will keep your… relationship with her, then I must say you need to be more clear of what exactly you want to say to me”. _

Once he processes everything she says, all his anger is gone. He smiles, a gentle, kind, and somewhat embarrassing smile that somehow makes Brienne’s own anger diminish quite considerably. 

_ “Forgive me wench. It seems like I made a mess of this conversation. You’re right”. _ He stands up, walking towards one of the windows of his study and Brienne stands up as well, instinctively. When he turns around towards her, he doesn’t seem surprised to see her standing beside her chair. _ “I will not deny we behaved inappropriately since we both wed, Brienne”. _ She remembers the feast. His lips, red, just like Cersei’s “ _ But I have not laid with my sister ever since I met you in person. And I will not do it again. That, or any improper behavior that might bring you dishonor. Like I said, I intend to keep my vows to you. I will not break them, not even for her. I just…” _ and at that he turns to face the window again, not able to keep looking her in the eye. _ “I just wanted to make sure you knew so you won’t concern yourself with her presence here. That’s all”. _

That’s.. She doesn’t know what to think of that.


	25. The Sister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t had time to properly answer every comment because I have a lot of college stuff to do but I want to thank every and each one of you for the lovely comments left on every chapter. And I will reply as soon as I can <333
> 
> I’ll update it now and later so we won’t stay only with this chapter for reasons lmao

_ “It’s time we get to know one another, I think. We’re as good as sisters.” _

A droplet of wine shines on her lips. Her voice is sweet, so very sweet. But Brienne can hear the edge behind it. The bitterness hidden underneath. 

_ “It must not be easy, to be so… unique among others. I hope my dear brother has been treating you well.” _

_ “My Lord Husband has been perfectly kind to me, your Grace.” _

_ “Yeah, it doesn’t surprise me. Jaime is rather fond of… different creatures, like yourself “. _

Brienne doesn’t say anything else.


	26. The Knock

The knock on her door startles her. She opens it, only to stare at an empty hallway. 

The knock comes again.

That’s when Brienne realizes it comes from the door that connects her room to Jaime’s chambers. 

When she opens it, he has his wrist raised, ready to knock again.

_ “Are you alright my lady? The servants told me you felt unwell and retreated to your chambers earlier”. _

She nods, not quite looking at his eyes. Hopes he cannot see the redness around hers. 

_ “My head hurts. But I’m fine. A good night of sleep is all I need”. _

He doesn’t say anything, just keeps staring at her, she can sense it. Brienne bites her lips, plays with the edge of her nightgown, before finally settling her eyes on his. 

Then he speaks.

_ “Very well. I shall be back to the feast, but I’ll fetch the maester and bring him here before I return to the party”. _

_ “Ser, it’s really not necessary. It was just… the ride and the sun. I just need some rest that’s all”. _

Jaime nods then. Accepting her answer for what it is. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic will now heavily focus on j/b just so y’all know lmao. I took some time to write it today and finally get to a chapter count (so far I have not being successful to know when exactly I’ll end it lol) but let’s just say *whispers* smut is coming. Somewhere down the road lol.


	27. The Request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I couldn’t update this before. Between doing assignments for college, working and writing “The Contract” I didn’t have much time. I also wanted to write a few more chapters of “Lion” so I could update it more frequently. I intend to finish writing this one this week at least so I can update it without worrying about it anymore :D

_ “Stubborn wench! Yield!”  _

Brienne uses the strength from her legs and hips, bucking and throwing Jaime out of balance. She switches their position, straddles his tights, pinning his sword hand with her arm while pressing her own sword against his throat. 

_ “Yield?”  _ She pants.

He looks up at her, a smug grin on his lips. Somehow she feels like he is the one who won this time.

_ “I yield” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “ and then I got him right before the sword came down on Ser Addam”.  _

_ “And how did you get your ribs hurt? Weren’t you wearing armor?” _

_ “How do you know about my ribs? I don’t remember writing about that to you”. _

Jaime snorts, water dripping from his chin. He gives her the waterskin.

_ “As if you had written me at all wench. If not for Tyrion I’d assume you were dead”. _

She blushes. Indeed, she had never answered his ravens. 

_ “That still doesn’t answer my question Ser”.  _

_ “Addam wrote me. He was quite impressed with you on the battlefield”. _

She hums, finishes drinking her water. 

_ “I was tackled on the ground. The armor wasn’t made for my measurements. But to be honest, I didn’t even feel it until after”. _

She  _ does _ feel his eyes on her though, and when she turns her face to glance at him, he’s watching her with a curious expression. She cannot read it.

_ “What?”  _

He just shakes his head, looks down at his boots and then at the sky. 

_ “I’d like for you to be my advisor when it comes to the disputes involving the smallfolk. For you to be there at the hearings”.  _

_ “I… I don’t think that’s how things are done”. _

_ “Who cares about how things are done?” _

_ “But why?” _

Jaime shrugs 

_ “You were really good at listening to them when I was away. And they respect you. I think it will be good for them to see that you’re still weighting on their lives. You’re the reason why they still have it, isn’t it?” _

At that her cheeks grown even warmer, and not only from the heat and their training. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how things work when it comes to being a Lady or Lord of Castery Rock, but let’s pretend Jaime is indeed breaking rules and protocol by having Brienne taking more of a leadership role along side him.


	28. The Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it took me longer to update it, but as you can see, I finally reached the number of chapters this one will have \o/  
There’s three chapters I still need to write but it’s mostly done. 
> 
> Thank you all for your lovely comments and I will reply to every one of them as soon as I can. It means the world to me! 
> 
> This one will be updated every day from now on :D

_ “My father is coming to pay us a visit”.  _

Cersei can’t hide her rage when hearing such news.  _ “And who is there with Tommen?! How dare he to come and leave the king behind?”  _ Her voice is loud enough to wake the dead.

Tyrion drinks from his goblet, staring at his wine.  _ “A lovely dinner I must say”  _ and then winks at Brienne.

She shakes her head at him discreetly, pretending that there isn’t an amused smile trying to break free from her lips at his inappropriate comment. She should not be finding Cersei’s tantrum amusing, not when she’s suffering for her child. She glances at Jaime, to distract herself from Tyrion, and he’s watching her and his brother with another one of his expressions that she can’t decipher.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It would be a lie to say she’s not impressed by Cersei. She does not think she would ever see a day where someone would be brave enough to defy Tywin Lannister and rage against whatever decision he ever made but in the end it doesn't matter. In the end, she cowers over his harsh words like any other Lannister. She will not go back to King’s Landing. She is to remain at The Rock and his word is final.

Before leaving, he pulls Jaime to the side. He still speaks loud enough for Brienne to hear it.

_ “Remember what we talked about”. _

_ “We’re trying, father”  _ is his reply. He glances at Brienne and she feels a knot forming inside her stomach. 


	29. The Rejection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t kill me lmao.  
Things will get better after this I promise.

She stops, drops the sword on the ground. Jaime looks at her, confused. 

_ “What’s the matter Ser? You have been elsewhere and I have no joy in beating you if the reason is because you cannot concentrate”. _

He smirks.

_ “Overconfident are we wench?” _

If they were sparing, that would make her blood boil. 

She sits on the rock they use for resting, and he follows her a few moments later. He still remains silent.

_ “You’re my… my Lord Husband”  _ she says, trying to pass through the embarrassment of saying it out loud. It’s true after all.  _ “We should be honest with each other”. _

_ “Stop using my words against me wench, that’s more of a Lannister antic, it doesn’t suit a Lion of Tarth”  _ he nudges her leg with his own and she smiles. And then his voice is dead serious.  _ “Father, he…he has been pressuring me. To…to have heirs”. _

_ “Oh”.  _

_ “He thinks it’s safer to guarantee the line of succession, especially after the last war. I guess he forgets I can’t just decide to conceive a child at any given moment just because he wants to. It just makes me angry that he still wants to control everything I do”. _

She grabs a stick from the ground, making circles on the dirt besides their feet. Thinking.  _ Thinking.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She opens the door carefully. His room is illuminated by candlelight.

_ “Ser… are you awake?”  _ She asks even though she can see him sitting by his desk, pearchements spread everywhere on top of it. Shirtless. Barefoot. With only his breeches on.

He turns around, surprised, and scrambles to his feet.

_ “My lady”  _ he eyes her up and down, as looking for something, and frowns when he doesn’t find anything.  _ “What’s wrong? Is everything alright?” _

_ “I’m fine Ser. I need to… I need to speak to you”.  _

He just nods, silently, still looking at her with a frown on his face.

_ “Let me just…”  _ he points at himself, somewhat clumsy for someone like Jaime Lannister, who is never clumsy.  _ “I’ll knock over your door in a few moments”. _

_ “No, I… it’s not… necessary.” _

She steps inside his room fully, closing the door behind her. She takes the few steps to where he is, while he just stares at her, eyes traveling all the way down her body and up, before looking at her in the eyes. He swallows. 

She takes one of his hands in hers, looking at their joined hands together. Jaime steps closer, she can feel his breath close to her, even though she’s not looking at his face. She drops one of her hands, playing with the edge of her nightgown, squeezing his hand with the other one still holding him.

_ “We can blow out the candles. In the dark… it must not be difficult”.  _

She said the wrong thing. She knows it the moment she hears his sharp intake of breath, she knows it because he steps back from her, dropping her hand away. 

She does lift her eyes then, looking at him wide eyed. 

_ “Is this because of what I told you? Because of what my father said?”  _

_ “I thought-“ _

Jaime turns around, splays his hands on the top of his desk. Then he turns again, his eyes hard. 

_ “Forget about what I said Brienne”. _

_ “But-“ _

_ “Forget it. I will not force you to do anything, and I won’t let my father force you either”. _

_ “It’s not forcing it if I’m willing, Ser. We’re married. It’s expected of us. It’s our duty.” _

_ “Our duty”  _ he repeats, almost spitting, his voice sharp and cold. He then shakes his head, turns around and sits by his desk again. His back to her.  _ “Go back to your room Brienne. I have a lot to do and I’m planning to still have some hours of sleep before I have to wake up. I’ll see you on the morrow”.  _

_ “Ser-“ _

_ “Are you ever going to go?” _

She flinches. 

Turns around and goes back to her chambers. 


	30. The Squire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First update of the night! 
> 
> Once again thank you for the lovely comments, I’ll reply to all of them as soon as I can <3333

Podrick has a lot to improve, but he’s eager to learn everything Brienne has to teach him and she doesn’t have the heart to tell him to seek another person to follow around. 

So she lets him trail behind her whenever he’s not doing something for Tyrion, to the point sometimes he seems more  _ her _ squire than his.

But today she’s not with her head in the right place for sword training. 

_ “Do you know how to swim Podrick?”  _

_ “Y-yes ser, my lady. Why?” _

_ “Let’s do something different” _

So she shows him the spot she found ages ago, where she goes whenever she needs some time for herself away from other people. It’s a small cliff with a cave entrance, the fall high enough to give her a thrill whenever she jumps into the sea, but not high enough to be dangerous. 

She doesn’t have anything to do for the day. No hearings, no meetings, only dinner to attend later. And she doesn’t feel like facing any of the Lannisters before that. So she spends her day with Podrick, and it brings a smile to her face. For a few hours she doesn’t think about Jaime or duties or anything other than the water and the sun on her skin. 

And Podrick, because she doesn’t trust him not to drown if she doesn’t keep an eye on him. 


	31. The Doubts

Jaime has been avoiding her for days, since  _ that night _ in his chambers and even though he said he didn’t want to force her, she does not feel like that is the only reason. 

_ Of course it’s not _ , she thinks, watching Cersei across the dinner table. 

Brienne excuses herself right after dinner, and goes back to her room. Laying down, she feels stupid. Silly. To care for these things. What if he cannot bear to touch her? To bed her? This marriage was nothing but a farce from the beginning. She wonders if maybe they could seek an annulment. But even though the thought crosses her mind, she would never do that to her father. Unless it comes from Jaime, she knows she will maintain her word when it comes to their union.

Duty

She remembers how badly he took the word when she said it to him. And she remembers another night, when he said he would not break the vows he made to the sept and would not dishonor her and their marriage.  _ Why must he be so confusing?  _ Brienne could not understand him. 

It does not matter. She’ll put this all behind her, try to carry on with her obligations and do her best to forget the embarrassment she put them both through. 

On the morrow, she’ll ask ser Addam to train with her, if possible. She likes teaching Podrick and train with the maester-of-arms, but she needs a partner to practice what she learns, and since Jaime has not been seeking her out to spar anymore, she must find someone else. 

She remembers the thrill of fighting on a real battle. Of fighting for a cause, fighting to defend her people. She imagines what must feel like, to fight beside Jaime. 

A knock brings her back from the cluster of thoughts in her mind and she wonders if personals she dozed off at some point.

When she opens the door, a servant enters with what looks like tea.

_ “I… I haven’t asked for tea.” _

_ “My Lord asked me to bring it to you, my lady. He wondered if maybe you were feeling unwell”. _

Brienne nods, thanking her and closing the door behind her when she leaves.

She does not know what to make of this. Of him.


	32. The realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update of the night. I thought I could leave you with something nice before bed :D

It surprises her when Jaime sits nearby and watches while she spars with Ser Addam. It distracts her. She still best Ser Addam though, and he takes it well as always, going through some points he thinks she might improve while complimenting her for her technic. 

  
  


_ “Thank you Ser. I’m sorry for taking some of your time”.  _

_ “None of that. It’s a pleasure my lady. Ask me whenever you need me”.  _

Ser Addam excuses himself then, throwing Jaime a look before leaving the training yard. Brienne wonders what that’s about.

She doesn’t know what to say in his presence, so she sits beside him on the rock they usually sit, and the silence stretches between them.

_ “You could have asked me to train with you”.  _ He says after a while.

_ “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable Ser.”  _

_ “Why would that make me uncomfortable?”  _

Brienne scowls at him, thinking at first he’s mocking her, but she sees genuine confusion in his expression, so she softens.

_ “Because… because of what happened that night. You have been avoiding me Ser, and I’m… I’m sorry for that. It won’t happen again”.  _ She had not planned to say so much, but it was out of her before she could hold it back. And maybe is for the best, to put this awkwardness behind them and get back to what they used to be before she made a fool of herself. She knows she’s blushing and it makes her even more embarrassed, but she pushes through it.  _ “If we could just forget that it happened, that would be for the best”. _

He’s silent for a long minute, just watching her face, and she finally breaks their gaze to stare at her feet.

_ “Brienne, I was not uncomfortable. And I’m not avoiding you. I’m just giving you space”.  _

_ What? _ Brienne’s eyes snap back to look at him. 

_ “Space? What do you mean Ser?” _

_ “I.. you felt pressured and I thought maybe I should leave you alone for a while so not to give you the wrong impression. It had nothing to do with me feeling uncomfortable. I was never uncomfortable” _ he pauses, seeming to be unable to look in her eyes any longer, shifting his gaze to the training yard in front of them. “ _ You don’t make me uncomfortable”  _ he says to the empty space.

At that she scowls again. Why does he think he can lie to her and she won’t know? Does he really think she’s such a fool to not know the reality of things?

Her mind conjures the memory of Ronnet and his rose.

She stands up and goes to where she left the wood sword, picking it up and walking towards the dummy that stands at the corner of the training yard. 

She does not doubt his reasons of not wanting to force a woman to lay with him. Since they married, he has not been anything if not honorable and kind (and somewhat insufferable sometimes but she secretly likes his taunting and japes, for they are never meant with any intention of truly offend her) and even though she doesn’t understand why he broke his oath to the king all those years back, she suspects there’s at least an explanation behind it. 

And she knows he just wants to be kind to her in the end, but she’s angry. She can’t help it. 

She doesn’t like being lied to. 

_ “Have I offended you my lady?”  _

_ “No”  _ she replies and that in itself is a lie. The contradiction of the whole thing does not escape her but she won’t care about that now. She just wants Jaime to leave her be. 

She thinks she listened to him calling her name again, but Brienne doesn’t turn around, preferring to beat at the dummy in front of her with uncoordinated blows. 

_ “Brienne?”  _ Now he’s definitely calling her name. 

She ignores him. 

_ “Wench!” _

_ Why can’t he leave me be? _

_ “What?!”  _

_ “I asked you a question”.  _

She finally turns around to face him. He has picked up the wood sword Ser Addam has left behind.

_ “Nothing you said has offended me Ser. It’s what you don’t say. I don’t like being lied to and I don’t need being protected from the truth. I understand you don’t wish to force nothing on me and I thank you for that. You have honor Ser. But we both know there’s more to that and while there’s no need to discuss it, I would appreciate if you wouldn’t lie about it.”  _

He just stares at her, and stares and stares, and then there’s a glint in his eyes, as if a piece of a puzzle finally fit into place. As if he’s suddenly realizing  _ something _ and it makes her uneasy, when she recognize his expression. It reminds her of all those times kids made fun of her and at first she was too slow to realize what was actually happening. She scowls even more, knowing it’s makes her look uglier than she already is. 

_ “Spar with me”  _ he says suddenly, and it throws her off, the way he says it, a slow smile spreading over his features.

_ “What?”  _

_ “You heard me wench. Unless you’re afraid of losing once again”. _

It’s a bait. 

She knows he’s baiting her. Taunting her. She won’t fall for it.

_ “If I remember correctly Ser, I have bested you quite a few times already”. _

Jaime just smiles even more.

_ “I call it luck”  _

At that she charges. 

He parries her strikes easily enough, but he cannot seem to find an opening when he’s attacking. 

It goes for a while, that strange kind of dance they make, and Brienne cannot deny to herself there’s no one like him when it comes to this. With Ser Addam there’s not the connection, the weird way she and Jaime seem to predict each other’s movement, as if they are one. 

The thought distracts her and he has her pinned to the ground before she can fully register what happened. But just like the last time he tried this trick, she bucks her hips and throws him out of balance, switching their positions until he’s the one pinned to the ground, her weight on top of him.

_ “Yield?”  _ She says, breathless. 

Jaime looks at her with something she can’t read, swimming behind the green of his eyes.

_ “I yield”  _ he says, and then he pushes her sword away from his neck, grabbing her hair with a fist and pulling her down to him, kissing her hard on the mouth. 

Brienne gasps, feeling all of his body against hers, the hard muscles and his other arm wrapped firmly around her waist, keeping her weight on top of him. 

He’s so warm. 

He breaks the kiss suddenly, looking at her with what she can only describe as hunger.

_ “Stubborn stupid wench”  _ he says under his breath  _ “I want you”. _ And then he closes his eyes, so so vulnerable beneath her likes this. “ _ I want you to want me”.  _

She doesn’t even know she’s replying until the words are already out of her mouth.

_ “I do” _


	33. The Want - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

She wants Jaime. She truly  _ wants _ Jaime, which is weird in itself, but it also brings a wave of realization that she finds quite relieving, even though it leaves her as confused and scared, in equal measures. 

And guilty. 

She wasn’t supposed to want him. Not a woman like her. That’s not what she was taught by her Septa. 

After that kiss, after what she  _ confessed -  _ by the seven she cannot believe she said that out loud - they were interrupted by a servant coming down the path to the training yard looking for Jaime to pass on the message that his sister requested a private hearing with him. They both scrambled to their feet, and Jaime left her with a kiss to her hand and a look that left her flushed for the rest of the day, every time she thought about it.

Brienne tried to ignore the pang of Cersei’s presence and tried not to think about what it was that she needed to discuss with Jaime.  _ He won’t dishonor me _ . 

Now, waiting for her bath to be draw to her chambers, she thought about what would happen next. Would he knock on her door and ask her to come to his bedchamber? And what if he did? She was taught that the duty of a good wife was to please her husband, but she had no idea how to please him. And Brienne  _ wanted _ . Something. She’s not sure what, but the feeling of Jaime’s lips against her own, the feeling of his arms wrapped around her, left a tingling sensation all over her body. She was not supposed to want anything, but she did all the same.

_ Wanton.  _

  
  
  
  
  


She wakes up to the complete darkness. It takes a moment for her to realize there’s a knock on the door.

_ Jaime _

She opens it to find him standing there on the threshold. In his tunic and pants used for sleeping. Barefoot. The soft glow of the candles in his room turning his hair fire golden. 

_ “Have I woke you up my lady?” _

Brienne nods, but smiles so he knows it’s not a problem. Surprising her, instead of calling her to his room, Jaime steps into her chambers, walking towards the candles beside her bed. He lights them up while she stands there, not knowing what to do. 

When he’s done, he turns and sits by her bed. That’s when she sees it. 

A purple bruise high on his cheek.

_ “What happened Ser?”  _ She’s sits beside him, gently touching his face so she can see it better. She realizes what she has done a second later, but before she can drop her hand, Jaime holds her wrist, thumb stroking the skin there. 

_ “My sweet sister”  _

Brienne feels an unbelievable amount of anger running through her veins all of sudden.

_ “Has she done this?” _

She gets closer to him, touching his cheek lightly, soft fingers trailing the bruise on his skin. 

_ “She’s your sister Ser, but if she dares to hurt you again like this I… I…”  _

_ “You what?” _

His voice is soft, but all the same Brienne feels self conscious about her words and about how close she is to him. 

_ “Forgive me. It’s not my place to-“ _

_ “Brienne” _

Her eyes, that have been focusing on the bruise on his face and purposely avoiding his green ones, shift to stare at him while his gaze roams all over her face.

_ “Did you mean it? What you said earlier? Do you want me?” _

She swallows deftly, then nods. Her cheeks aflame. 

Jaime kisses her.

  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s not like she thought it would be. 

He kisses her in so many different ways. She never knew there were different types of kissing. She likes it best when he uses his tongue. When she touches his tongue with hers. But then he sucks on her bottom lip and she thinks maybe she was wrong, she likes it better that way too. 

Jaime’s mouth and Jaime’s hands are all over her body. Touching places she didn’t know mouth or hands have any right to touch. Kissing her skin. Licking her skin. Even biting. Not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to mark. 

When his lips wrap around her nipple, sucking her breast into his mouth with a groan, she can’t help but arch her back and moan his name. Only his name.  _ Jaime _

He stops and looks up at her, and she wonders if she shouldn’t have said anything. If she should have been quiet. If she should-

But then he kisses her again, the way she likes best, wet and hot and panting against her mouth, hands buried in her hair to hold her head in place so he can keep kissing her and kissing her and Brienne doesn’t think she can breath but she’s damned if she’ll tell him to stop. 

When he parts from her, forehead dropping against her own, the look on his face is something she has never seen before.

_ “When you say my name… please say my name again. Please” _

So she does. Whispers against his ear.  _ Jaime _ . Doesn’t know why her cheeks redden even more but she doesn’t care because he shivers on top of her and brings her mouth back to his. 

  
  
  
  
  


She thought… she thought…

She doesn’t know what she thought, but she never thought it would be like this. She expected pain, the darkness of the room and her face against the pillow.

She has Jaime’s hand between her legs instead. Touching her. Touching and… doing  _ something _ to her she doesn’t  _ understand  _ and-

_ “Jaime” _ she moans, desperate for something, trying to hold on to  _ something _ but there’s nothing, and his hand between her legs and the  _ noises _ it’s just-

  
  


_ “You feel so good” _ he whispers against her jaw, his whole body molded to hers and the way he keeps kissing her neck and her chin and her lips...  _ “come for me wench.” _

She wants to tell him she doesn’t know how, she doesn’t, but then he puts one finger inside of her and  _ there, _ that’s what she needed. And then suddenly she needs more, because his thumb keeps circling that spot that makes her whole body tingle and she needs, she needs-

_ “Jaime please”  _ she doesn’t know what she’s begging for, but she does anyway. 

He gets faster with his hand, adds another finger inside. And the way he breathes against her ear as if  _ he’s _ the one feeling all those things, as if she’s doing something to him when he’s the one doing  _ that _ to her is just…

Brienne doesn’t care about the noises she makes, about burying her hands in Jaime’s hair, about how tight she’s holding him. 

And then she feels her whole body tensing, a wave of pleasure so intense and sweet spreading through her from the very place Jaime is touching her.

He moves to be on top of her, and she can feel the length of him pressing against her, feels his hand between them and then he’s there, pushing inside slowly, and she’s so slick, so wet, so dazed by what she felt, tiny aftershocks coursing through her body as if to remind her of what he did to her, that she doesn’t remember this should be something to be feared.

She doesn’t remember she should feel pain. 

That it should be dark. 

That her face should be against the pillow. 

Instead Jaime is over her, all around her,  _ in  _ her, his face lightened by the candle, his body pressing hers down, and she feels so full with him inside of her like this. It’s strange and almost uncomfortable, but there’s no pain to be found. 

He’s looking at her as if he’s searching for something, his hands touching her face and fingers trailing her cheek.

_ “Brienne”  _ he whispers, his voice almost choked, as if asking a question she doesn’t know the answer to. She kisses him and he whimpers against her mouth.

One of his hands trails down her body, finds her thigh,  _ squeezes _ . Pushes her leg over his hip. She wraps her other leg around him as well.

And then he moves. Slowly. Barely leaving her at all and she gasps at how intense it feels. He does it again, and again, and again, and then he moans against her mouth and she feels something clench deep inside of her.

He groans and when he thrusts next, it’s harder than before. Brienne moans out loud, and he stops.

_ “Am I hurting you?”  _ He asks, voice strained, as if it takes everything inside of him to keep still.

_ “No. Do… do that again?”  _

Jaime smiles, smug all of sudden, and she has half a mind of telling him that he’s insufferable but then he thrusts against her, hard, and she forgets about it. She forgets about anything else than not him and his body and his breath against her face.

He kisses her again, messy, and she tries to keep up, she does, but she can’t because she can’t concentrate on kissing him, not when he’s moving like that. 

She feels that familiar feeling inside of her, the same she felt when he had his fingers down there between her legs, and she moves her hips, trying to chase it again, squeezing his back and his shoulders and pulling on his hair and Jaime makes a sound that Brienne would be mortified if she had heard it in any other circumstances, but right now it just makes her want him even more. 

His hips snap against her fast and hard, the sound of skin slapping against skin loud until he stops all of sudden, all too soon, moaning against her ear, her name a choked sob falling from his lips. She feels the warmth of his seed inside of her and it fills her with a strange type of feeling. 

As if now the words she said on the sept make sense.

_ I am his. He’s mine. _

  
  
  
  
  
  


She thought he would leave her as soon as it was over. Go back to his chambers so he could sleep the tiredness off, leave her to deal with the mess left behind. 

Instead, he gets up, but only to grab a wet cloth and clean the inside of her thighs and between her legs. He cleans himself right after, all the while not seeming to be bothered that she has no clothes on, and neither has he. 

Brienne, on the other hand, feels herself blushing all the way from her face and down her body and as soon as she can she’s back under the covers.

Jaime comes back to her bed. Gets under the covers with her. Pull her body against his, her back to his front.

_ “Did it hurt?” _ He whispers after a while, and Brienne knows her face is even redder. 

_ “No”  _ she says, and it puzzles her. She saw the blood on the sheets. She was a maiden. It doesn’t make much sense.

_ “Good” _ he says against the skin of her shoulder.

_ “I thought… it should have right? Why didn’t it hurt then?”  _

_ “I don’t know wench. I knew it wouldn’t hurt so bad if I made it good for you” _ he moves his mouth to whisper against her ear  _ “maybe I was too good. You did scream my name” _ and she can sense the smile in his voice.

_ “I did no such thing”  _ she says, trying to hit him with her elbow, her face so warm she thinks she’s probably redder than the cloak he put on her shoulders on their wedding day.

_ “Oh you did. And you were so wet for me”. _

_ “Jaime!”  _ She does manage to hit his ribs then and he shouts and then laughs.

He turns her around to face him, arms still wrapped around her, and she scowls at the smug smile on his face. He kisses her until she stops scowling and kisses him back.

She falls asleep sometime later, with her head on his chest and his arm wrapped around her.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When she wakes up to the light of the morning, Jaime is gone. There’s a tray with food and drink in her room, and a handwritten note.

_ An urgent matter required me in Lannisport in the early morning. You seemed too tired so I left you sleeping soundly. Eat and drink my lady wife, so you get your strength back. _

_ J _

  
  
  


Brienne is sure there was an insufferable smile playing on his lips all along while he was writing that.


	34. The Want - Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (part II lmao)

With Jaime gone most of the day, she takes to attend the smallfolk, weighting on their disputes and listening to their needs. 

It’s tiresome sometimes, and she tries her best not to think about how she would rather be outside with a sword and definitely  _ does not think _ about Jaime and what they did the night before. 

The red in her cheeks caused simply by the heat of the day, and nothing more.

Nothing more.

  
  
  
  
  
  


At night, he knocks on her door again. 

Sits on her bed again.

Takes his tunic off. 

_ “The heat is killing me wench”  _ he says as if it’s an explanation.

When she steps next to him, intending on sitting on the bed beside him, he grabs her waist with one hand, pulling until she’s standing between his legs. Wraps both arms around her. Rests his forehead against her belly.

_ “You should come with me next time. Like you used to do when I was away. The people ask about you”  _ his voice is muffled by the fabric of her tunic. She wonders how he seems to know so much about what she was doing while he was at war.

She says something else instead.

_ “You should have woken me up”. _

He lifts his head to look at her. Grins.

_ “Have you read my note? I wore you down”. _

She smiles, shaking her head and hesitantly carding her fingers through his hair.

_ Insufferable  _

Jaime closes his eyes, leaning back against her hand. When he opens them again, there’s a fire in his gaze.

_ “I couldn’t stop thinking about you the whole day. Spent the whole day uncomfortable in my breeches and it’s all your fault, wench”.  _

She blushes hot at that, smacks him lightly on his shoulder.

_ “What? It’s true my lady”  _ he’s smiling, but then turns serious at once. The look on his face so intense Brienne can’t almost stand it. “ _ Have you thought of me?” _

She nods.

His hands holding her waist drop down to the back of her thighs, squeezing her softly before beckoning her forward, until she’s straddling him on the bed. 

Brienne feels him hard against her through his pants.

_ “K-kiss me?”  _ There’s something in the way he asks her. The way he hesitates. As if he’s waiting for a rejection. 

She touches his lips with hers slowly, kissing him softly. Feeling the shape of him against her mouth. 

Then she pulls away. Feels her face growing warm.

_ “I’m not… I’m not very good at his”. _

Jaime opens his eyes, stares at her eyes, drops his gaze to her lips. Shakes his head.

_ “You’re perfect to me”  _ he whispers against her mouth before kissing her again. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When she lays on the bed later, naked and wanton, lips swollen from his kisses, she thinks he’ll lay on top of her again like the night before.

He kneels between her thighs instead. Gazes down at her body as if it’s something beautiful to look upon. 

_ “Jaime”  _ she whispers, partly because she can’t keep his name from slipping past her lips, partly because she knows he’ll do something as soon as she says it out loud, as if he can’t help himself when he hears her voice. And she needs him to stop looking at her, needs him to touch her somehow. 

He leans over her then, drops a kiss on her collarbones. Licks a path between her breasts. Sucks a nipple inside his mouth. Mouths kisses along her ribs, on her belly. And keeps going down, down… 

_ “Jaime?”  _

_ “The night before. I left you wanting.”  _ She can feel his breath between her legs, and she shivers.  _ “Can’t have you besting me here wench.”  _ And he smiles between her legs.

She closes her eyes. It’s too much to see. 

He drops a kiss. Licks her. Kisses her down there as he kisses her mouth and Brienne tries to be quiet, but she just can’t. She can’t control her moans, and the way her hips move towards his mouth and seeks him out.

When he sucks on that same place he touched her the night before, humming against her skin, she shatters. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “Jaime?” _ Brienne mutters.

_ “Hmm?”  _

His voice is sleepy. As if she pulled him from the brink of unconsciousness. He tights his arms around her, drops a kiss on her shoulder. Breathes against her neck.

_ “What you did… tonight. When you kissed me… there.”  _ She feels her cheeks going crimson red. 

_ “Did you like that my lady?”  _ She knows he’s smiling even though she can’t see him.

_ “Is it proper?”  _

_ “Proper?”  _

Jaime leans over her, but Brienne avoids looking at his face. He tickles her side and she yelps, swatting his hand away. She scowls at him.

_ “What do you mean by “proper” wench?” _

_ “I mean… I don’t know what I mean. Forget I asked anything ser” _

_ “Wench..”  _ his voice is a warning, his hands slowly trailing over her ribs and she laughs and yelps again, turning to face him and holding his hands firmly, stopping him from moving them at all. She huffles at him. 

_ “Why must you be so annoying?”  _

_ “It’s part of my charm wench. Now explain yourself otherwise I’ll torture you until you say it.”  _ He tries to move his hands, but she stops him easily. 

_ “Fine.”  _ She rolls her eyes. Her cheeks redden again. “ _ Is just… do others do the same? When they bed their wives or… whoever they are bedding” _

Jaime smiles, seeming to be incredibly amused by the whole situation. Brienne is not.

_ “I don’t know. I hope so, otherwise their wives or… “whoever they are bedding” as you say, are not as happy or lucky as you are my lady”.  _

_ “Must you be so full of yourself all the time?” _

_ “As long as I can make you come more than once, like tonight, than yes”  _

Brienne groans, finally dropping his hands from where she was holding them and turning around to give him her back. Jaime laughs behind her, wrapping his arms around her again. Pulling her body against his own.

How can someone be so dear and so infuriating at the same time? 

She won’t give him the satisfaction of smiling though. 

After a few minutes of silence, she relaxes against his body. 

_ “Brienne”  _ he whispers against the skin of her shoulder.

_ “Hmm?” _

_ “Do you like the things we do here? Does it make you feel good?” _

She trails her fingers against the back of his hand that is resting on her stomach, trying to control the embarrassment that creeps upon her whenever she needs to confess to him how much she enjoys his touches.

_ “Y-yes. I… I like it very much.” _

_ “Then it matters not if it is proper or if others do the same. I don’t know… I don’t know what you learned, but as long as we like it, nothing else matters” _

Brienne nods, knows he can feel the movement of her head. Maybe someday she’ll tell him all the things she learned with her Septa. Ask him all the questions she wants to ask.    
  



	35. The Want - Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry, there’s still a bit of plot coming to you in the next chapters. I’ll update it twice a day from now on because this fic is officially all written, so yay \o/. 
> 
> In the mean time
> 
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

At the training yard: they spar with the sun burning on their skin, her cheeks red and hair wet with sweat and he laughs, says something to make her blood boil and damn him and fighting him is such a wonderful and infuriating thing. So she charges. She presses him against a tree, their faces so close together and then suddenly he kisses her. 

“_Jaime_!” She says but he only laughs and drops his sword, pushing her own away from him and kisses her again.

“_Jaime_-“ his tongue is in her mouth and he sucks on her bottom lip. “Jaime, someone will-“ he holds her face with both hands and his kiss is wet and taste a little salty.

“_I want you_” 

“_What if someone sees_?” 

He grabs her by the hand and takes her to the armory nearby, closing the door and pressing her against the wall. 

“_You want me_?” He asks against the skin of her neck. “_Wench_…” his lips on her collarbones.

“_Yes_” 

When he’s inside her, it’s all she can think about.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


At his study: They should be thinking of a way of solving the issue with the gold mine and the taxes, and what should they do about the problem raised by some of the smallfolk the day before at the hearing.

He has her braced against his desk instead, panting against her shoulder, breeches and small clothes on the floor.

“_Brienne, gods_-“ his voice is muffled by her skin, and she blindly grabs the edge of the table, rocking back against him.

“_Jaime_” she moans, and she has half a mind of asking herself if he locked the door but then his hand is sneaking around her and touching her _there_ at the same time he thrusts inside her and… and-

She comes with a gasp, clenching around him, pearchments falling from the desk.


	36. The Blood

She wakes up feeling wet and sticky between her legs and when she opens her eyes, she sees it.

She tries to get up without waking him up, but he’s already sitting on the bed, watching as she goes about cleaning herself. He helps her with the sheets and then they come back to bed. He falls asleep almost immediately.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He knocks on her door at night and she opens with a surprised expression on her face.

_ “What’s wrong wench?” _ He says from the bed, already stripping from his tunic.

_ “I- my moon’s blood- I don’t think...”  _ she stumbles around the words but he just smiles.

_ “I don’t mind, but I imagined you wouldn’t want to do anything tonight my lady. I just… I like sleeping close to you”  _ he shrugs but there’s a faint blush on his cheeks and she thinks this is the first time she has seen Jaime Lannister blushing.

So she goes to bed and lays down with him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jaime, she learns, has nightmares. He shouts  _ no  _ and  _ please your grace  _ and  _ burn them all _ and he cries. 

She soothes him awake until he opens his eyes, staring at her, chest heaving with his effort to breath. Face wet.

_ “I…”  _ he starts but she just shakes her head and lays down beside him, wraps her arm around his waist. She nudges him until he turns in her arms, his back to her front, holding him against her. 

The darkness is not the place for talking about those things.


	37. The Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates today yay! To compensate for my lack of updates yesterday.
> 
> This chapter is the first one, be sure to read it first before going to the next <33

She takes Jaime and Podrick to the small cliff with the cave entrance, and Jaime tells Podrick how he used to come here all the time when he was young, taking the boy and jumping with him, laughing all the way down until they hit the water.

She hasn’t asked about his nightmare in the days that followed. He hasn’t told her what his nightmare was about. He just stayed distant from her for the better part of the day, both attending to their duties together or in separate corners of The Rock, and she trained with the maester-at-arms and asked Ser Addam to spar. 

Every night, he knocked on her door. Every night, she let him in. Still, he never touches her.

  
  
  
  
  


They swim until the sun is setting on the horizon.

_ “You’re good with him”  _ Jaime says from beside her, Podrick walking in front of them on their way back. It’s the first words he says to her after that night that don’t involve their common obligations as Lord and Lady.

_ “He’s a good kid” _ she pauses  _ “I think he’ll become a skilled knight. He has potential” _

Jaime doesn’t say anything to that.


	38. The Question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update of today! 
> 
> Be sure you read the chapter prior this one (The Silence), so you won't get confused.

When she’s back in her chambers that night, he’s waiting for her with a bathtube filled with water and wine. 

_“This is dornish” _he says. When she doesn’t reply, he steps forward. His eyes are earnest but she catches a glint of… _fear?_ _“I’m… I’m sorry“. _

Brienne steps forward too, meets him in the middle.

_ “Would you like to join me Ser?” _

Jaime smiles. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


The bath is too small for them both and cleaning takes more time than it should.

Still, when they are both scrubbed raw, he leans his back against her front. Grabs her arms and wraps it around him, rests his hands on her legs by his sides.

_ “Were you always an only child my lady?” _

_ “No. My brother… he died when we were young. Drowned. My sisters died in the cradled”  _

Jaime’s hand traces little patterns against the skin of her leg. 

_ “And still you’re not afraid of water”. _

She thinks about it. Indeed she’s not.

They are silent for a long time. The bath is almost cold by now. 

_ “Jaime” _

_ “Hmm?” _

_ “Why did you kill your king?” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


After, curled in bed together, he reaches for her. Kisses her slowly. Kisses her everywhere. Pulls her on top of him and asks her to ride him. She’s flushed red, but she’s dripping for him and she can’t wait any longer. 

When she takes him inside of her, she leans down and drops a kiss on his lips. He wraps his arms around her, holds her shoulders and her hips and breaths against her mouth.

She moves as slowly as she can, dragging it out, paying attention to his every pant, every breath, every strangled moan that falls from his lips.

Impossible impossible man. So so dear.

A knight in all his glory, even when his glory cost him everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to recriate the whole Aerys conversation since it would go pretty much just like the books in terms of what Jaime would tell her, so I'm sorry for the fade into black sort of thing. But I did want the convo to be on a bath, because #classic j/b


	39. The Gift - Part I

_ “Wench!”  _

She falters and Podrick hits her right on the ribs, and then stops with wide eyes. She smiles at him before turning around and glaring at Jaime.

_ “I need you to come with me. It’s urgent” _

He has a glint in his eyes and a smile on his lips that contradicts that very information.

_ “I’m training right now because tomorrow I will not be able to and Podrick needs-“ _

_ “I’ll train with him tomorrow while you’re visiting the city. But I need you to come with me”  _ she looks at him suspiciously, biting her lips and Jaime steps forward.  _ “Please my lady. It’s important. I promise I won’t waste your time”. _

She nods then, tasks podrick with taking the training swords back to the armory and follows Jaime back to the house.

  
  
  
  
  


When she enters his study, he locks the door behind them.

_ “Jaime, if this is some plot to seduce me-“ _

_ “Brienne, I cannot believe you would think I’m capable of such thing”  _

They both knows he’s capable of such things, but she doesn’t comment on it.

He walks to the corner of the room, where a mantle is draped over something she can’t quite identify.

_ “I have a gift. For you. It just arrived and- would you stop looking at it as if it would bite you wench? It won’t. Come closer.” _

Brienne thinks about the bite mark he left on her thigh the night before. 

She comes closer and he drops the mantle on the floor, revealing what’s beneath.

An armor. Dark blue, detailed with lions and white crescents and suns. 

_ “I hope I got your measurements right”  _ he says from somewhere behind her, his voice suddenly very low.

She turns around to find him staring at her.

_ “I… why?” _

_ “It’s not polite to ask the reasons behind a gift, my lady”  _ he smirks, his voice back to its normal tone.

_ “It’s…”  _ she turns back to the armor in front of her  _ “it’s beautiful. I…”  _ and then she turns around, wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Later when they have their clothes back on, and he’s helping her with the armor so they can see if it needs adjustments, he laughs.

_ “It worked. My plot to seduce you.” _

She scowls at him but that only makes him laugh harder. When they are done, she steps back from him, looking down at herself.  _ “How does it look?” _

He walks around her, eyes scanning her body up and down, then stops in front of her. Grabs her face and kisses her. 

_ “We should bring it to our bedchambers” _

She smacks his shoulder and steps back again. He’s back to scanning her up and down, voice serious.

_ “We need to train with it _ .  _ See how you move, if it’s not restraining you or slowing you down. And I’d like to test it with a real sword while you’re not wearing it.” _

She nods, because he’s right. But then…

_ “It’s so… shiny though”  _ she bites her lips, looking down at herself again.

When Jaime understands the cause of her concern, he laughs loud enough that anyone outside the room can hear him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “When did you think about having it made?”  _ She says later that night, when they are back in their chambers, Jaime laying down on her chest sweaty and breathing heavily from what they just did.

_ “That’s what you thought about the whole time I had my cock inside you? Filthy wench”  _

She tickles him on his side and he laughs, rearranging himself on top of her until he’s staring down at her face.

_ “When you told me about how you bruised your ribs at the Battle of Lannisport. But it took me a while to commission it for you because I didn’t have your measurements then” _

_ “You still haven’t them now. You never asked-” _

His smile, wicked, stops her short.

_ “Oh I do.”  _ He murmurs against her lips.


	40. The Walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning: Cersei will be mentioned quite a bit, and we’ll get into her and Jaime’s relationship. I know it’s tagged already (that j/c would play a role in this story) but I thought it would be nice to warn you again before this chapter. Don’t worry though, it’s nothing worse than what we had on the books :)

_ “Father will marry Cersei to Loras Tyrell. The raven arrived just this morning.” _Tyrion tells her over breakfast. Jaime is at Lannisport and Cersei is nowhere to be seen as she usually is whenever Jaime is not around. She breaks her fast and has dinners with them if Jaime is present. If he’s not, she pretends neither Brienne or Tyrion exist. 

_ “And how is she?” _Brienne asks, but not out of concern. Just curious about what her reaction would be. 

_ “Surprisingly calm and collected, which worries me a great deal”. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Cersei requests a private meeting with Jaime as soon as he arrives. 

It’s late when he’s back in their chambers, bathed and laying down on their bed as soon as she opens the door.

_ “Do you think we should tear down these walls? I don’t see the need of having our chambers separated when I spend every night with you in my arms.” _

_ “Most nights it’s you who’s in my arms ser. And we would have to sleep in another room for a while, move our things from here so nothing would be damaged… do you think it’s worth the trouble?” _

_ “Hmm. Maybe. I’ll see to it in the morning.” _

He falls silent, looking up at the ceiling while his hand play absently with a strand of her hair.

_ “Jaime?” _

_ “Brienne” _there’s a smile in his voice and she looks up at him.

_ “What is it?” _

_ “Nothing. I like it when you say my name, but you know that already. What do you want to ask me my lady?” _

_ “How do you know I want to ask you something?” _

_ “Because you always say my name like that when you want to ask me something you judge important.” _

She falls silent for a little while longer. But then:

_ “What did your sister wanted to talk to you about?” _

They never talk about Cersei. Even though she’s right there, at every corner, like a ghost haunting the castle. Brienne tries her best to ignore her presence, and lately, with Jaime filling her every sense, her every thought, it had been easy.

But then she makes herself alive again and Brienne can’t help the feeling growing inside her chest as if she’s living on borrowed time. Stealing something that she should not have. 

Jaime turns on his side until they are face to face.

_ “Father, he… he wants a betrothal between Cersei and Loras Tyrell. To secure Highgarden and their support.” _

_ “Will she accept that?” _

_ “There’s no choice when it comes to father.” _

Brienne thinks about their own marriage. For a long time there wasn’t a choice for her or Jaime either. Now… now though, she feels…

She frowns, pushing the thought away.

_ “So when will they marry?” _

_ “I’m not sure. Soon.” _

_ “And…” _ she swallows, looks at some point between his chin and neck, avoiding his eyes _ “and how are you? About this? I mean, do you-... you must be-“ _ She sighs, closing her eyes for a few moments. _ “I know it must be hard for you” _she says finally. 

_ “It is, but not… not for the reasons you think”. _

_ “What do you mean?” _

_ “Brienne…” _

_ “Tell me, I…” _ and she feels her voice shaking. _ “Please, tell me. I need to know. I need to understand” _

_ “Me and Cersei, we…” _ and now is Jaime who looks down at his hand laying between them, flexing his fingers _ “I was born holding her ankle. Did you know that? And she always said we were meant to leave this world the same way we were born: together. She said we were the same, one soul in two different bodies, and for a long time I believed that. That we were the same. That she was my other half. I went to the Kingsguard because she convinced me it was the best way for us to be together. The only way.” _

He takes a breath, closes his eyes for a moment and then looks up at her. _ “Father kept her here so we ended up apart anyway. And then Aerys happened and…” _ he trails off _ “When I was dismissed and sent back to the Rock, and she was betrothed to Robert and sent to King’s Landing, she never wrote me unless I wrote her first. Sometimes I’d write her more than once until she responded. But whenever I found an excuse to go to King’s Landing, she would… we laid together and she would reassure me we were the same, we were each other’s half, we shared the same soul… she would ask me to finish inside of her, that she didn’t care about Robert’s children, that she didn’t want to carry his children, she wanted to carry mine. She asked me to wait. To not marry. To be only hers the same way she wanted to be only mine but couldn’t. Then I would come back and it was the same, always the same”. _

A memory crosses Brienne’s mind, Jaime’s few letters for her when he was at war. Imagines him writing Cersei pages and pages declaring his love, and receiving nothing in return. Something dark squeezes her chest and she tries to ignore it, because this isn’t about her. 

“_ Still, for a long time, I did what she asked me to. I avoided any bethrodal, I was only hers even if we spent more than a year without being with each other. I stayed away from my children even though it hurt every time I saw them calling Robert their father. I did it all for her. But something inside me just… started changing. I didn’t realize it at first, but I wrote her less, I wasn’t eager for any excuses to go to her like I used to be. I started liking my life here, in a way. I liked being with Tyrion. I liked learning about the smallfolk and I liked being away from King’s Landing. And then…” _He stops, looks at something beyond her shoulder, then his eye settle back onto her face. 

_ “What happened?” _Brienne asks.

_ “Tyrion went to court and spent some time with Lancel. My brother got him drunk, as he always does with whoever enables him. And he confessed he had been fucking Cersei for more than a year. He regretted but couldn’t stop. He felt ashamed. Felt like he was a Targaryen, that he was mad. From there, Tyrion found out she was fucking others too. Osmund Kettleblack, Moon boy and probably others. Had been for years. For the first time, I thought of her and I didn’t know who she was. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I… I still went to King’s Landing twice after knowing about everything. I still fucked her both times. But the last time, I felt nothing. I couldn’t even…” _

Jaime stops, and Brienne knows whatever he was about to say is something he considers too much for her to hear from him. 

_ “Jaime… you can tell me”. _Whatever it is, she cant living pretending that Cersei wasn’t part of his life anymore. 

_ “I couldn’t even get hard for her, she had to work on me until I could”. _He says finally, and Brienne flinches at that. She can’t help it, the image it creates in her mind feels like a punch to her stomach. 

_ “Brienne… I-” _

_ “No. It’s… it’s alright” _ Jaime is still silent, and she shifts closer to him. Not touching him, but showing she’s still willing to listen. That she wants to know this part of him, to _ understand _ even if she knows deep down she will never really grasp the full meaning of how they impacted each other’s life. 

Jaime finally nods, releasing his breath slowly. 

_ “When I came back to Casterly Rock, all I felt was relief. I was relieved. That’s when I knew it was over. So I wrote her telling her it would be for the best if we didn’t get to be with each other anymore. I never told her what I knew. I don’t know why. At first she thought I was just trying to get her to beg for me. That I was jealous of Robert, that I wanted to punish her for not allowing me to get close to the children. She tried everything to get me back but I just… I couldn’t unsee all the things I was now able to see.” _

He falls silent after that, staring at his hand again. And then his hand moves, until he’s touching hers. Not linking their fingers, but as if asking for acceptance. 

Brienne imagines that hand, his hand, grabbing Cersei’s ankle. And then that same hand uncurling his fingers, letting it go. 

Brienne turns her own, linking their fingers together. 

He brings both their hands to his lips, kissing her knuckles.

_ “She blames me now.” _ He says after a while. _ “For father and the Tyrell match. For abandoning her when I knew what Robert was. How he treated her. For not loving her anymore like _ that _ , even though I’m not sure if she ever really loved me, like that or even as a brother. And it bothers me because I still care for her, just not the way she wants me to. But if it’s not the way she wants me to, then for her it means nothing.” _


	41. The Gift - Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pure self indulgence after Gwen’s Emmy outfit LMAO

_ “Just close your eyes stubborn woman. Must you always be so suspicious of me?” _

_ “I just don’t think this is really necessary”  _ but she closes them anyway.

_ “I say it is. Now wait. Don’t open them” _

_ “I won’t”  _ she can hear him moving around the room, and then something falling on the floor. 

_ “Shit” _

_ “Jaime?” _

_ “It was nothing. Don’t open them” _

_ “Are you not bringing the armor to the bed are you? Because if that’s what you’re doing I will not-“ _

_ “Brienne, if your armor was here I’m sure you would have noticed by now. Although I wish you hadn’t said that because I’m tempted to call a servant to bring it back here. That would - found it! Finally. I’m coming back to bed. Don’t open your eyes” _

_ “I haven’t opened them once ser.” _

_ “Good.”  _ She feels something cold against the skin of her neck.  _ “You can open them now my lady” _

She does that. Brings her fingers to the necklace. Jaime is holding the mirrored glass and she takes it, looking at her reflection.

On her neck, the chain holds a delicate golden lion’s head, his mouth open, a small sapphire, the exact shade of blue of her eyes, between its teeth. 

_ “Jaime”  _ her voice hitches and she tries to swallow the sudden lump she feels in her throat.

_ “It’s shiny and no sword will damage it wench.”  _ When she looks at him, he smiles and shrugs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leaving you with some fluff because things will become a little bit dark in the next chapter.


	42. The Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Queen you shall be, until there comes another, young and more beautiful, to cast you down and take all you hold dear.'
> 
> — Maggy The Frog.

_“Jaime” _

He looks up from his desk, his face breaking in a smile at the sight of her.

She takes the steps to where he is, while taking in the way the sun shines through his hair. When she’s close enough for him to touch her, he stands up and wraps his arms around her, pressing his face against her neck and dragging her mouth to meet his for a kiss.

She doesn’t know yet, but the sight and the feel of him, the warmth spreading through her body while he holds her close, will keep her awake when everything else around her becomes darkness. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The heat is too much, so Brienne decides to train near the shadows of one of the cliff entrances in Casterly Rock, instead of the training yard. 

That’s her first mistake. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She doesn’t realize she’s in danger until it’s too late. The men in Lannister armor not triggering her senses until one of them move in such a way she feels a shiver running down her spine two seconds before he steps in her direction, draws his sword in a clumsy way and charges against her. Brienne has enough time to side step his attack, kicking him behind his knee and, without a real sword in her hand, she puts all of her strength into her wood sword, aiming for his arm so he can drop the weapon he’s using.

But she doesn’t have a chance.

The sudden pain behind her head turns her world to black. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She’s vaguely aware of being carried by someone, of voices asking for directions. She can only see the top of a cave, and then the blue sky, the sun shining through the clouds while her world spins around. Her head and her right arm are on fire and she thinks she passes out again before waking up to her body being shifted around.

_ “Heavy bitch” _a man’s voice spits beside her.

_ “I see the well!” _Shouts another.

It takes too long for her to register the words. That’s her second mistake. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She tries to fight the arms holding her, twisting and kicking and yelling, and for a moment she gains the advantage she needs, startling the men in Lannister armor. But soon, her arm is twisted behind her and she screams in pain. A kick on her stomach sends her to her knees and then she’s being dragged through the ground, hands grabbing her arms and legs and torso.

  
  


_ “The Lady of Casterly Rock sends her regards” _someone whispers in her ear. 

  
  


Suddenly she’s off the ground, being tossed into the air.

And then she’s falling into the well.

Falling and falling and falling, darkness surrounding her, swallowing her whole. 

When her body hits the cold water, it feels like hitting solid ground. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She tries to stay with her head above the water, tries to swim so she won’t sink but the pain running through her arm makes her dizzy. 

She can barely see anything, tries to find purchase on the stones, but they slip through her grasp. 

Brienne shouts, screams for help until her throat is sore and her voice can no longer carry further than the water and the stones surrounding her.

That’s when she understands.

She’s going to die in here.

  
The well is her grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Sorry?


	43. The Roar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHAHAH im sorry for the cliffhanger but here I am to ease your pain. <3

She finds a crack on the stone wall, the tip of her foot resting on the rock beneath, and if she can hold on long enough for someone to find her, for _ Jaime to find her, _she might survive this. 

So she rests her head against the cold walls, breathing heavily and trying not to shiver from the freezing water around her.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The moon is not bright enough to bring any light.

So she thinks about Jaime and the sun shining through his hair instead. 

She thinks about the soft way he kissed her that morning.

About podrick and his laugh jumping into the sea. 

Tyrion’s smile above his goblet of wine. 

The feeling of her father’s arms wrapped around her.

The sound of Jaime laughing and looking down at her in their bed. 

She thinks if she could just listen to that sound again, she would never complain about anything else in her life.

_ Seven. Warrior. Give me strength. _

Brienne touches her necklace, feeling the shape of the lion and the sapphire between its teeth.

_ Jaime is coming for me. Jaime will find me. He will. _

  
  
  
  
  
  


She swims back and forth, trying to keep her blood running through her body, trying to keep herself warm. She finds the crack on the stone wall again, shifts her feet back and forth when one of them becomes numb. 

She prays. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The only light comes from the blue of the sky above her, so so far away. She swims a few times, but she can’t feel herself warming up any longer. Brienne doesn’t feel the pain in her arm, but she’s cold. Too cold. She can’t stop shivering. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The orange sky is beautiful. Brienne feels like she can almost touch it. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Brienne can’t swim anymore. She’s so very tired. Maybe if she closes her eyes for just a bit. Maybe if she just…

Her foot slips from the crack on the stone and she sinks, water filling her mouth and lungs before she realizes what’s going on. 

She surfaces once more, coughing and trying to find the support for her foot. 

For the first time, she feels despair. She feels too lucid, like the way she felt before the Battle of Lannisport, looking at the sky before facing her death. She knows what’s happening. 

She’s freezing. 

Her body is giving up. 

She won’t get out of here. 

Jaime and Podrick and Tyrion and her father and everything she wanted to live for, and she won’t get the chance because she’s dying. She knows it. 

An urge of rage and grief sips through her, and she screams with everything she has. She screams until her lungs seem to be at the verge of exploding, until her throat seems to be ready to catch itself on fire beneath her skin. 

In her ears, it sounds like a roar. 

Her foot slips again and she sinks once more.

She tries to swim back to the surface, but her arms don’t cooperate. 

_ Will you hold me Gal, when I fall? Will you hold me so I don’t sink? _

The muffled sound of something hitting the water has her head slowly turning to her right. It’s too dark to see anything, but she thinks she sees white bubbles in front of her, the water moving. 

_ I won’t let you drown Bri. Be brave. _

Her brother’s voice is so clear inside her head, and suddenly she’s not afraid of the darkness anymore. She’s going to see him again. She’s gonna sink until the bottom and he will be there. She just needs to close her eyes, and he will catch her. 

Arms grab her around her waist, howling her up until her head breaks the surface, the air burning in her lungs even before she registers she’s no longer under the water. 

_ “Brienne?! Brienne, look at me! Wench look at me!” _ Jaime’s face is so close she can feel his warm breath against her face, his arm holding her up while he keeps them both above the water. _ Is he real? _

She doesn’t want him to stop talking. She needs to feel the warmth that comes from his mouth, from his breath. His whole body is so warm against her. She drops her head against his neck, stealing whatever she can get, trying to breath but she can’t stop coughing. _ “She’s here! She’s here!” _He shouts to someone above them, but she doesn’t care.

_ “Jaime” _ she whispers against the skin of his neck but her breath is cold and she wants his warmth. 

_ “I’m here. It’s alright. You’re alright. I’m gonna get you out of here. Are you hearing me wench? Brienne?” _

_ “Don’t let me drown” _ she says. 

_ “I won’t my love. I won’t. I’m here. Just stay with me. Stay with me sweetling” _

She wants to. But he’s warm. And he won’t let her drown. He won’t.

So she lets his warmth envelop her and closes her eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know that a person can survive for at least two weeks with her body submerged under water? I learned quite a few things while researching to see if it was possible for Brienne to be more than one day down there and none of them were pleasing 😩


	44. The Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated the chapter count to one more chapter as I clearly don’t know how to count lol. So we’ll have 46 chapters instead of 45.

It’s the sun against her skin that wakes her up.

It’s the feel of Jaime’s skin against her side that makes her open her eyes.

She tilts her head up, looking at him. He’s half laying down, half sitting up against the pillows, right arm supporting her body beneath her shoulders, curled protective towards her. His fingers trail up and down the skin of her face, going from her jaw to her temple and back down again, his eyes staring at her eyes so intensely she feels warmth spreading within her.

_ “Jai-“  _ she tries to say his name, but her voice doesn’t come out. 

_ “Here”  _ he moves, giving her something to drink she doesn’t know what it is but that she accepts anyway, and then he trades it for water, waiting until she drinks it all. 

_ “Jaime”  _ she tries again, laying against the pillows and he settles back beside her, his hand back on her skin, eyes back on her face. Suddenly she doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what she’s feeling. Her eyes fill with tears looking at his face, and Jaime bends down, lets his forehead rest against hers.

_ “I thought I lost you. I couldn’t find you anywhere and I thought…”  _ his voice breaks, and he kisses her on the lips, soft, feather light, his fingers brushing off the tears that escaped her eyes. She’s suddenly filled with a need of having him around her, of having his body against her and feel all of him, but when she tries to move her arm, she realizes it’s on a splint. She turns her head to look at it, confused, when the door burst open.

Podrick is staring at her from the door, Tyrion and Ser Addam behind him.

He comes to her then, shivering and shaking and wraps his arms around her neck.

_ “Careful lad. She’s still weak” _ Jaime says from somewhere above her.

_ “It’s alright”  _ Brienne wraps her left arm around the boy’s shoulder.  _ “It’s alright Pod” _

_ “M-my l-lady, s-ser, I t-thought-“  _ he tries to say but the tears prevent the words from forming.

_ “I know”  _

_ “If it wasn’t for him, we would not have found you when we did my Lady. He followed the men when they grabbed you, and once he lost sight of them, he came back to warn us. It was thanks to him we were close enough to the well to hear your scream”  _ ser Addam says. Brienne tightens her hold on Pod when she hears that.

Once he calms down, Brienne shifts to make space for him on the bed, asking Jaime to move her to a sitting position. She feels so very tired still. 

The bed is big enough for all of them, and Brienne feels her chest tighten thinking of how it must look like, the three of them together like this.

Thinks about what she almost lost, what she almost wouldn’t have. 

Ser Addam stands at the door, while Tyrion sits on a chair in front of the bed. Ser Addam finally breaks the silence once more.

_ “We found them Jaime. Podrick recognized them all” _ at that she can feel Jaime’s whole body tensing. He’s silent for a long time before he nods, his voice all Lord Commander of the Lannister’s army, the very Lord of Casterly Rock, all the softness of before gone.

_ “Thank you.”  _ he says  _ “I’ll come find you as soon as Brienne is asleep again”. _

Ser Addam nods and leaves. 

Brienne has so many questions, so much she needs to understand, but she is not sure she wants to ask Jaime what he’ll do once she’s asleep. 

_ “Brienne”  _ Tyrion says  _ “do you remember anything about what happened? Anything that might help us understand why those men wanted to kill you?” _

Her breath hitches. She closes her eyes, because she knows,  _ she knows,  _ and she has a sinking feeling that so does Tyrion. She knows why he’s asking her that in front of Jaime, and she doesn’t blame him. 

_ “Tyrion, this is not the time, she’s still weak, the master-“  _ Brienne touches his hand then, squeezing it and he stops talking. She opens her eyes slowly, and stares at Tyrion for a long minute. She then turns to Jaime.

_ “They said something… before they threw me down there”. _

Jaime waits for her to continue, and she takes a deep breath before saying the words.


	45. The Trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a lot with this chapter to be honest. First I wanted it to head into a certain direction, but then it didn’t feel right with the characters within this particular universe. 
> 
> I hope it’s satisfying tho. Even if it’s not what everyone is expecting to happen lol.

_ “We aren’t sure if she’s involved, we don’t have enough evidence that what they said is true. We cannot trust the words of those men. They could have said anything to tarnish the Lannister name. What if-“ _

_ “You know the truth. You know it. You might not want to believe it, but that doesn’t change the truth.” _

_ “What if you’re wrong? How can we send her to her death? How can we be responsible for that? How can I?”  _

At that, silence is the only thing left between them. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Despite the four days that passed since she was rescued, Brienne is still too weak to stand when Cersei enters the great hall of Casterly Rock, accompanied by two guards, one on each side. Brienne is sitting on Jaime’s place, while Jaime himself stands beside her. He’s in full Lannister armor, his hand gripping his sword.

She looks at Cersei, her red dress flowing around her, her golden hair cascading down her back, green eyes the color of wildfire. Her milky skin so soft to the eyes as they probably are to the touch. 

Brienne’s mind flashes back to the argument she has been having with Jaime since she told him the words she heard before falling down the well.

She prays that she’s making the right decision. 

_ “If this is about the rumors that I am involved in what happened to your… wife”  _ Cersei says while standing in front of them “ _ I must say I expected way more from you brother, than to believe in silly rumors spread out by lower men who want nothing more than to ruin our name. That I would be somehow responsible for-“ _

_ “You’re in the presence of the Lord and Lady of Casterly Rock. And while your son is King Tommen Baratheon, first of his name, you’re not Queen Regent any more. You will not speak until we say so.”  _ Jaime interrupts her. His tone of voice leaves no space for argument. Brienne thinks for a moment he resembles his father, but then she sees the knuckles of the hand that is gripping the pommel of his sword, white, skin stretched over the bones. The evidence of how much he hates what he’s doing right now. Of how much he doesn’t wish to be here. 

Cersei’s mouth falls open but before long she composes herself, laughing as if she heard the most hilarious joke. She then shoots Jaime a look with so much poison that Brienne wants to stand up and shield him from whatever she’s about to say. 

_ “I have always known you were the stupidest Lannister brother, but to think you can talk to me as if I’m a low born, standing in trial for something I have not-“ _

_ “You will not insult my Lord Husband in my presence.”  _ Brienne says. She won’t allow Cersei to see any weakness in her besides what she cannot avoid. Not now. Her voice won’t tremble. She will not allow it. 

Brienne looks at Jaime one last time, hoping to catch his eyes, hoping he understands it’s the best way. The only way. He just looks forward, staring at his sister. 

Brienne finally does the same. 

_ “You’re right that we don’t have any proof of your involvement with the murder attempt against my life. I can’t consider it justice to have you punished for it. But we cannot prove you’re innocent of those accusations either. So your presence at Casterly Rock is a risk and a threat to the future of House Lannister.” _

_ “Who are you to speak in the name of House Lannister, you cow?!”  _ Cersei takes a step in her direction, seeming unfazed by the guards moving ready to restrain her or by Jaime, who takes a step closer to Brienne. “ _ A big ugly beast pretending to be the Lady of Casterly Rock just because you were lucky enough to trap my brother in this forsaken joke of a marriage. Tell me, does he have to think of another when he fucks you? Does he call for another when he’s inside of you?  _ I am  _ a Lannister! I speak for my House! You’re nothing but-“  _

_ “Enough! You will not speak ill of my wife in front of me, and you will not insult her!”  _ Jaime’s voice is loud enough to make Cersei stop in her tracks and look up at him with huge green eyes. “ _ You’re to depart from Casterly Rock to Highgarden this afternoon, where you’ll wed Loras Tyrell in a moon’s turn, as expected. You’re fully forbidden of ever set your foot back in Casterly Rock, do you understand me Cersei? You’re not welcomed in this castle anymore!” _

She takes a step back as if she was slapped, her face pale and her eyes still in shock.

_ “Are you banishing me brother? From my own ancestor home?”  _ Her eyes shift to Brienne and then back to Jaime  _ “is that the best compromise you could get? So your beast wouldn’t get me killed because of her paranoia?”  _ Cersei’s whole demeanor change, her body shaking and arms wrapping around her frame. Defenseless. Unprotected. “ _ Is this what our house has become to you?” _ She whispers, voice trembling. “ _ I’m your twin Jaime. Your other half. What of everything we been through? What of our children? You cannot allow her to do that to us.”  _

Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears, the picture of the perfect innocence.  _ She could be the maid reincarnated _ , Brienne thinks.

Jaime slowly takes down the steps from where he was standing beside Brienne, walking towards Cersei and stopping in front of her.

_ “That’s the compromise I had to accept, sweet sister. It was Brienne’s life that was almost taken away from her; it was her decision regarding what to do with the person responsible for it. I have already taken away from her the pleasure of making the men who threw her down the well pay for what they did. If it was up to me”  _ his voice drops, and this time Brienne cannot stop her body from shivering when he speaks again “ _ I’d have you drowned just like I had them. And like with them… I would have watched every second of it.” _

Cersei lets her mask slip then, stepping towards Jaime and slapping him full in the face. 

Brienne stands up from her chair at once.

_ “Take her”  _ Brienne tells the guards, while each grab one of Cersei’s arms.  _ “Cersei Lannister is not to leave her chambers until it’s time for her to leave Casterly Rock for Highgarden. _ ” Cersei is still talking, but Brienne ignores whatever she’s saying, looking at Jaime who hasn’t moved from the place he stands, head still tilted to the side because of the force of Cersei’s blow, eyes closed and hand gripping the pommel of his sword.

_ “Take her before I change my mind”.  _ Brienne commands once again.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was clear after reading that the first part of the chapter, where Jaime and Brienne are arguing, that Jaime is the one pushing for Cersei’s punishment to be death while Brienne doesn’t want to go for that decision. I made it purposely ambiguous lol.
> 
> At first, when I was still writing, I knew that Cersei would try to murder Brienne at some point (I wasn’t sure how). And that it would lead to her death by Jaime’s hand.
> 
> But in the end, while still writing, I didn’t feel like it would be in character for Brienne to allow this to happen, because this is a Brienne that, while she killed people (Battle of Lannisport), she has not seen the world the way book Brienne has seen. She’s still idealistic, and a little bit naive, even though she is growing as a person. She’ll go a little bit into that in the last chapter.
> 
> I also wanted this decision to be hers, while having Cersei aware that Brienne was the one who spared her life while Jaime advocated for her death. It also plays with the prophecy of having a younger and more beautiful one casting Cersei down and taking everything she holds dear. More beautiful in her soul and mind, casting her down as being the true lady of Casterly Rock and banishing her from her home, while taking away from her everything she holds dear (power and Jaime). 
> 
> One more chapter to go! Thank you all for the lovely reviews, it truly means a lot ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️


	46. Love

_ “Are you alright?”  _ she whispers. 

His heart is strong beneath her cheek and the weight of his arm across her shoulder is a comfort she needs, even though she should be the one comforting him right at this moment.

She wonders if that makes her selfish.

He doesn’t answer, turning his head instead and kissing her softly on the top of her hair.

Her heart clenches at that.

_ Was he right? Should I have executed her? _

She knows her decision was as much for him as it was for her. 

She had killed people before, but in battle. It felt different then, the blood singing in her veins, the heat of the battle, fighting for every breath. There was honor in that, in killing or dying defending what you believe to be right.

To send someone to their death coldly while sitting on a chair felt so much different. She was still grateful that Jaime had been the one dealing with those men. 

_ Maybe I’m not so fit to be the Lady of The Rock after all _ . The voice in her head seemed too much like Cersei and it displeases her. 

Cersei… even if he had been willing to kill her for what she had done, did he really want that? Could he bear that responsibility? 

Would he ever forgive  _ her _ if he went through that? Would he ever forgive  _ himself _ ?

_ “Would you… would you have done it? What you said to her”  _ she asks quietly. 

Jaime doesn’t say anything for a long time, just trails his fingers back and forth against the skin of her arm. 

_ “I don’t know”  _ he finally mutters  _ “when I think of her… my first answer is no. But then I remember…” _ he trails off.

Something in his voice tells her he said more than he wanted to. She looks up at him.

_ “What is it Jaime?” _

Silence falls between them while he looks at her. 

And then he sighs, looking up at the ceiling while he speaks.

_ “I saw the signs. I saw … I knew she was handling this poorly. Our marriage. I kept… I kept certain things from you, and I shouldn’t have. I put you in danger because of that” _

_ “You kept things from me? What things?” _

She tries to support herself on her elbow to look at his face better, but she’s too tired after a whole day awake. He lowers himself on the bed, until they are laying side by side, facing each other.

_ “I… she saw it before I did, I think”. _

_ “Saw what?” _

_ “The way I looked at you”. _

_ “I… what? Jaime I don’t-“ _

_ “Remember when I caught you training that night, before our wedding?” _

She nods.

_ “I saw you and I was… intrigued. Curious. About you. But I didn’t think…”  _ He trails off again. Her heart leaps inside her chest for some odd reason. “ _ And then when we were getting to know each other, I had to leave. When I met her again in King’s Landing, after the war, before coming back to The Rock, I just… she saw the letters Tyrion wrote me. I caught her reading them. She didn’t read mine, the ones I sent, but from his answers, it was obvious I asked about you, that I wanted to know about you in my absence. And when she came back with me, she saw… we fought a lot since she came to The Rock. And it always came back to be about you, and I just… I kept all of that from you because part of me hoped that someday Cersei would grow out of it, and that maybe we could be the way we should have been, like me and Tyrion, that we could be... I was a fool ”.  _

She wants to tell him that he wasn’t, that she understands, that he’s  _ good _ but he doesn’t let her.

_“To answer your question: she’s my sister. Something inside of me repels the idea of being responsible for her death. But then I remember what it felt like, to look for you and ask about you and nobody having an answer about where you were. I remember what it felt like to have Pod coming to me and telling me he saw you being taken. I remember what it felt like to look for you everywhere, and not finding you, and then seeing the sun setting and night coming over and still not knowing where you were. I remember what it felt like not sleeping and thinking about coming back to our bedchamber and not having you here and physically throwing up to the thought of never finding you again when I entered our room. I remember spending the next day looking for you, after spending a whole night looking for you, and seeing the sun setting once more and _still not finding you _and-“ _

His voice breaks, catching in his throat in a way that fills her eyes with tears. 

_ “And then there’s a different kind of horror, hearing you scream and finding you there. I cannot stop thinking about you screaming like that Brienne. Imagining what you went through, what you thought about while trying to stay above the water. When I think about all of that, when I  _ remember…  _ then my answer changes. I would. Kill her. Exactly as I said to her” _

Brienne has the sudden need of erasing Cersei from their lives. She’s sick of her. Sick of her presence, of the hold she still has on them even though she’s far away by this hour.

She wants to forget about her and about the pain she caused.

So she kisses Jaime. Holds his hand against her chest and rests her own against his, feeling his heart beating beneath her palm, hoping he can feel hers beneath his fingers. 

He breaks their kiss and wraps both arms around her, pulling her so close she can feel all of him against her skin. 

_ “When I was there”  _ she whispers against his mouth  _ “I thought about you. That you were coming for me. I thought about your smile Jaime. About your kiss. I thought about all the things I still want to live with you”  _

One tear falls slowly from his eye and trails a path to his hair. 

_ “This here”  _ she says, tightening her hold on him, getting impossibly closer  _ “it does not feel like duty anymore Jaime. It hasn’t felt like it for a long time. I think… I think I understand it now. Love…”  _ Her voice catches at that word, at the weight of it, at the lightness of it when she looks at him. A memory shines bright in the forefront of her mind. Jaime’s voice in her ear when he jumped down the well, when she begged him to not let her drown.

_ I won’t my love. _

_ “Love is the death of duty, Jaime”  _ she says in the space between them. 

He stares at her for a long minute, and then leans in, kisses her again. Rests his lips against her own. Eyes closed. 

When he whispers the words, his breath is warm against her face.

_ “Cursed be who would seek to tear us asunder”.  _ He opens his eyes then. Green on blue. “ _ I am yours wench, and you are mine... beyond the end of our days”.  _

When he kisses her once more, they both know what they are pledging to each other.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... here it is. The end.
> 
> I’m so incredibly grateful for all the love, comments and support from everyone who read this. It makes me so happy, I don’t have words to describe it. This fic was very very important to me, for a lot of reasons. I hope it was special to you too.
> 
> I’m still going ove the comments and I’ll reply to them all as soon as I can, but I wanted to once more thank you for reading, commenting and telling me your thoughts and feelings. 
> 
> ♥️♥️


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